I think it's safe...

I know its been a while but I've both busy and lazy and there's just not that much to talk about. I got to read Tara's Xanga poems tonight. They really opened my eyes to what a mature and simply( and complexly) beautiful person she really and truly is. This time last year, I was going to stupid parties with John and Hanna and Jason. They were fun at first... then everyone began to drink. I would watch, feeling like I was just some casual observer with a heavy heart. One night I was so desperate for attention or acceptance or I was just thirsty that I drank. It tasted like shit but I just drank. I was all clenchy at first but I let go. I needed it, I guess. I hated myself for it. I had no reason and every reason to crack open that can. I had fun, but I still felt drawn back. I was new to this but I ust went for it. Another time we were all at Hanna's and we walked down to the pond and one of them (my friends) pulled out a joint. I was almost going to go for it... all I wanted to be in the inner circle, to finally just unpack and unclench but unfortunately I have morals and decided to once again watch from the side. I may as well have just stayed home and watched porn or read. I just wish I could have gotten up the nerve to say what I wanted to say out loud, instead of writing it down in a stupid notebook. But I think in some cosmic way my lameness payed off. I truly cant imagine my self being any better than I am now. But I was lonely this time last year. I hurt a lot, all of the time. I tortured myself for years. It's like my hand was in the cookie jar and the mother figure (society) was telling me I could but my sense of reality slapped me on the wrist and said you'll ruin your friendship and any chance of.. I dunno. She called me at her convenience and I ran to her, literally. I would sit at home and watch her go out and come back hours later, having been social, and I, clammed up in my chamber of solitude (as my Dad calls it), waiting. I told myself to give it up but as we all know, it's easier said then done. We'd hang out, talk. But I think she'd sense me wanting to say what we both knew, but she's slam me to the ground like a sumo wrestler with those god damn words " You're like a brother to me." I would sit and smile and say "Yeah, sure." I would hang on to the shreds of hope for something a little less brother/ sistery and a little more relationshipy. It never happened. Now I'm over it. It was hard at first.
I'm over it. I'm completly over it, those feelings have melted away like the inlaid sled tracks on my yard from hours of fun in the snow.
Now I can truly say I am in love now in a way I thought didn't exist in the humans stash of hormonal chemicals. Tara, you make everything in my life whole and meaningful. You return the love I send your way and now, instead of watching, I'm involved. I've evolved, thanks to you. And as far as last summer, I'm just done with it. I don't want to watch, I've moved on. I just don't care anymore. I'm in love, in a love that is pure and two sided and real and the only thing I need to make me feel whole. I love you, Tara.

Wow, that's the longest/most person post ever for me. But, I'm glad it's out. I'm happy and I'm not ashamed of my life or it's potentially lame details. It's me, so there. Night!

You quench my heart and, you quench my mind

Well, it's been an uber long time since I've posted anything. There are two reasons for this; I'm lazy and I'm pretty sure no one reads the stuff I put on here. Any way, since the last time I wrote in here some things went down. I took the SATs and guess what, I'm still a board certified member of the S.S. Fail. Yup, I'm still Lookout Lobo. But I have the summer to study again for September, Yay. Also, I've been working a lot (gotsta pay off all those baby mama's I've got). He he he. I went to prom con mi novia and I was nice. I got to see her all purty in her red dress and I got to don a tux. Woot, you know how much I lurve dress up. It was the first time we got to go out since her month long grounding, which ends this Friday (hellz yeah!). Then we can go back to being "normal". I miss being able to hang out with her so she better not do dumb shit that gets her grounded any more!(yes, I'm telling you). So my sister's going away for Wed-Fri and I'll get to be an only child for a couple o' days. Ahhhhhhhh. So I'm off to watch DMB live and drink apple juice from my Spock glass. Good times:)

"Are you thinking holy shit holy shit a swordfish almost went through my head"

Yeah I know, it has been a few weeks. I've been a little busy, but mostly lazy, as you may have assumed. So a few things just to update y'all on whats been going on(if you actually care). School: It SUCKS! I'm ready for June 22nd. Friday we had the writer workshop thingy and it was loads. It really renewed my passion for writing, something I thought I may have been losing. In fact, it was just in hibernation. I really liked the poetry part. I'm quite the sensitive guy if I do say so myself (;.

We had an AP Bio test on the LAST UNIT! AHHHHHH! But now I get to fail one final practice test this week and then..done with the hard shit. Finally. My loathe for all things AP Biology will hopefully subside after this week. We'll see. I have the SAT on Saturday. Damn. I'm kinda nervous.. I've been hitting those fuckin prep books like they're the bible or something. It's amazing how dependent and obsessed we all get over this ridiculous. How can one test weigh so much on what I want to do with the rest of my life? I just need it to be over. It'll be a long week but once it's done I can rest. Sigh.

Enough of that. I'm tired of thinking about school. It isn't all that's on my mind..usually. And the funny part is, I want to be a teacher. Go figure. Maybe I'll be a writer first. I kinda want to be a journalist for a while. I want to at least try it out. We'll see.

I'm off to bed. To bed I said.
PS- That's not my name. Or is it?

Bones, sinking like stones

Howdy y'all. Since awhile ago I've been doing pretty much nothing. I finally went to Vermont this past weekend. It was loads. It felt nice to just go have fun, relax, and forget that I still have a shit load of AP Bio work due by Thursday (which I still need to work on). I got to go for a really nice long hike Sunday down some back roads and side trails near the place where we stay. It just felt right being there. It really furthered my desire to go to school up there post high school. The area is just so nice and serene that I find it hard to be stressed about anything once I breath in that mountain piney air. Good stuff.

I'm also feeling restless lately, a direct result of April vacations fast emergence on the calendar. I could go for a week of no school, a week of sleeping till noon every day and then doing nothing for a few more hours. Yeah, I can see it now and I'm liking it.

I'm off to write some essays. Yay. :(

I busted down the pretext

Do you swear to tell the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth? I guess

Where were you last night? My house after my job at the docks

What is today's date? 3-26

Who was the last person to call you baby/babe? I think they know

When you're at the grocery store do you use the self checkout? Nah, I'm too lazy

Anyone crushing on you? I think so...

What is your relationship status? Sorry ladies, I'm taken

Has anyone ever sang to you? Yeah

Has anyone ever given you roses? No

If you were abandoned in the wilderness, would you survive? Hell yeah, I'm Survivor man' bffl

Who do you text the most?: Actually, my sister

How do you make your money? Whoring myself to pretty much anyone & I'm a guybrarian

First person to text today? My sister

What is your favorite color? Blue

What color are your eyes? Brown

What is a compliment you receive often? Man, you one sexy motha shutchomouth

How tall are you?: 5-9

Who was the last person to say they loved you and when? Tara, sometime today

Do you like your parents? Love 'em

Do you secretly like someone?: Not really a secret

Who was the last person you said you loved on the phone? Tara

Where is the furthest place you've traveled? Florida

Which do you prefer, to eat or sleep? I have to choose?

Do you look more like your mom or your dad? Mom

How long does it take you to shower? 15 minutes ish

Can you do splits? It aint pretty

Are you flexible? Nah

What did you do on New Years Eve? Hung out with my neighbor

Was your mom there? For some of it

Can you speak any other language than English? Kind of Spanish

What is the last letter of your middle name? K

How many hours of sleep did you get last night? 7

Do you wear your seatbelt in the car?: Always

Are you scared of flying? No I do it once or twice a year

What do you sleep in? My boxers and tshirt

Who was the last person you kissed? She knows who she is

Do you like funny people or serious people? Funny and serious

What are you listening to? Pearl Jam-State of Love and Trust

What jewelry do you wear all the time? None

What do you have planned for tonight? Nada

Is the last person you kissed older than you? Nope

Do you have a favorite item of clothing? Not really, just any plaid

Last movie you saw in theaters? Watchmen

Last thing you ate? Yogurt

What was last thing you drank? Orange soda

Are you happy right now? Yeah

If you could have one thing right now what would it be? Idk

Who makes you happiest right now? Again, she knows who she is:)

What were you doing at midnight last night? Sleeping

Are you left handed? Nope

What was for dinner tonight? Pasta and sauce

What is the last thing you thought about? What should I put on my blog?

As you pry, I thought that I’d forgotten

I know it's been a while since I've blogged (damn new verb). Let's see, what have I done since the last post. Well, not too much. I took the CAPT exams after a lot of confusion and retardedness amongst the faculty. I'm pretty sure they made the re-takes easier for us special juniors because they figured we're just too lazy to actually apply ourselves the second time around, so why bother failing them again?

Since then, I went with Colin and Mike to see Watchmen. That movie was awesomeness. Very graphic but very cool and with a plot that was actually vaguely interesting. Fun times ensued. Also, I've discovered a new love, Ocean State Joblot. As you all may or may not know, I love cheap stuff. This place is a cheap stuff goldmine. But every time we go, we see teachers from either Walsh or the high school. I think we're being followed. I saw my seventh grade Spanish teacher today whilst purchasing cheap but yummo soda. It was both weird and awkward. But apparently her and my other old teachers still talk about me. I didn't know I was so popular/special. Haha! So yeah, that's been fun.

I've also discovered a lot of new music these past few weeks. I've gotten into about 4 new bands. I have a little bit of music ADD, I get bored with the same songs on my iPod. Listening to lyrically rich songs has really sparked my desire to write creatively again. It has been a nice release for me in the past and now I feel a lot of inspiration. Maybe I'll share with y'all sometime. But for now you'll just have to deal with my regular blogging. See ya!

PS- Enjoy one of new bands I've "discovered"!(with some Darryl Hall mixed in for a nice seasoning...ooo!------http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rQ01i0xIgCo

And love...Wish the world could go again with love

All I have to say is wow. Branford High is probably the most special (not the good kind) place EVER. I really cant wait to go to college now. Hopefully, once there, I can escape some of the redonkulous bull that high school holds. If I hear CAPT one more time, I may need to go find the inventor of CAPT and kick his ass. I mean, damage would be done. I would be like that chimp who attacked that lady, I'd go ape-shit. It's just such a waste of time, every one's time for that matter. Why we cant just go take the classes we want and forget about how to find the amount of days it takes Venus to rotate around the sun in earth hours or some bullshit like that is all beyond me. So yeah, CAPT can kiss my fat, white ass.

Also, since my last post I found out that I'm not going to Vermont until April 3rd. Yeah, I pretty pissed. But at least I'll get to go. Also, I'm going to see Watchmen on Saturday which looks pretty awesome. I love those kinds of movies so that should be a good time all around. Maybe tomorrow I'll drag Tara back to Ocean State Job lot to get some more 88 cent soda..I'm drinking the last one as I write this. So yeah, weekend is needed, even through we had a snow day and a mini day. Which reminds me, me neighbor and I made THE best sledding track on my hill ever. It'll be hard to remake that one. I was awesome and I wish I spent more time on it. Oh well, life goes on. I'm off to finally write my last AP Bio essay. See ya!