Oh Xmas tree oh Xmas tree lalala

Well Christmas is only a day away but it hardly feels that way. With all the stress and chaos that's been surrounding these past few months, it's been really hard to stop and get in on all the Christmas frenzy and mayhem. I hope that at least on Christmas eve I'll feel a bit jollier than I have been. It just seems like there is no real time to stop and do shit that I wanna do. Every time I get a free second, I'm flooded by thoughts of obligations, due dates, shit hanging over my head to do. So the only real free time I get is when I'm asleep, other wise I'm busy pleasing everyone else. I know I sound emo teenage girl esque but I don't really care. I'm tired and ready for vacation. I just want to relax and have some fun, read, and eat.

While I'm here venting and what not, I want to write a little ode to an old chum of mine, Eric. This year, Eric has been incessantly pestering me with his smug I'm better that everyone attitude and his pretentiousness. It bothers me a lot. Every time he opens his mouth in class I class I want to throw a desk at his dumb face. So, I tell him I hate him, I yell at him to stop talking when he says dumb, unnecessary comments, and yes sometimes I do mock him for other reasons. I do it because I care. I care that he is in my life. I care that he bothers me to no end. He adds unnecessary aggravation to my already aggravating life. So today he decides to "confront me" about our interactions. I say I just don't want to talk to him. He keeps at me. So I keep ignoring him. I certainly have better things to do with my time then to think about Eric Nemerich. I really do. And next year, when I go to school somewhere else, I wont ever see him. And you know what, I'm grateful for that. Eric, go away from me. The end.

That being said, I got into college!!! I cant believe I forgot to mention that earlier. I got into Green Mountain in Vermont, a school where I can read and study in peace, hang out with quite hippies, ski(something I miss doing), and go hiking. Oh and I can work on a farm as my work study. Dreamy. So yay, at least I know I'm going somewhere! I've wanted to go there for a while so it's kinda surreal that I actually got in.

If I dont post before Xmas, have a great, happy, Eric free Xmas!

Desire is the fire...

So I'm done done applying to college. I just have to wait. And wait. And wait. I just wanna be done with high school, real bad. I go there everyday and I'm just so done with all the petty shit, all the lame ass hats who wont even do anything useful after graduation. Caw!

I've been reading a lot more poetry lately, specifically from my postmoderns' book and more specifically Jack Kerouac and Lawrence Ferlinghetti. I've fallen in love with American poetry, it's so real to me somehow. But sometimes it kinda seems like I have a love hate relationship with poetry. I love reading it, and I like to think writing it is one way for me to express myself. But then I sit down with my keys ready to be punched at or my pen ready to scribe some great piece of beauty and symbolism. You know what comes out? Nada. Maybe I should smoke a doobie or something. I dunno. For now I'll just keep reading and enjoying other people's work; their woes, troubles, emotions, and sometimes fetishes( John Donne) lol.

I made a perty picture in art today! I wanna gold sticker considering I've been in art for the whole year and have not completed anything. I've been acting as McColl's special helper because apparently he's too sp-ed to manage a bunch of other sp-ed kids from horizons... and Coco. But even after dealing with those abject failures in photo believe it or not I still want to be a real teacher. I just cant wait. It's hard to explain. Maybe it has to do with my fascination with people and how we all exist in society.

Oh people are so interesting.

Lalala I'm in a new phase

SO, I sent out my college apps tonight. Enough said? Yeah, 6 schools in one night. I sent away my personal info, my ssn, and my money to 6 schools with 1 button click. My future now hangs in the balance, in the hands on 6 different schools. As MOgren would say "Ack!" Yeah so that was stressful as everyone knows. Now, like everyone else, I wait. I sit and wait. God what a torturous process.

College bull aside, it's Christmas time once again. Too bad it's bogged down by lack of money, time, snow, or stress management. I still have to go buy some presents and such. I'm a bad shopper and need help doing so. Anyone wanna help? I didn't think so :)I just want some more time.. this whole Xmas thing comes and goes too quickly..or not fast enough. I don't mean to sound emo cuz I actual love Christmas time, I love snow, I love the food and the trees and the presents and the coming together to be joyous and stuff. I love the concept. An now when this time rolls in I get nostalgic and think about how this time last ear Tara and I were in courting phase.. I took her hiking at the Supply Pond, we went to the Fantasy of Lights, we went to the Book Barn and to the movies and diner, and then we became a couple. I think it's my new favorite thing about Christmas. I know you'll all barf when I say that she was and will always be the best Christmas gift that I could receive, even better than the mini fridge. So yeah, not all emo.

Oh and I almost forgot, I've started doing yoga. I love it. I feel so relaxed and flexible and my posture is better and my digestion is better, I'm more centered, calm and it's great. I want a yoga mat now.

Goodnight everyone :)