It's my 1 year (sorta) Blogaversary!

That's right, I can make up words too! Anywhoosies, it has been a year since I made this blog o awesomeness. Looking back at some of the posts, I think to myself "Wtf was I on?" and "I really need a life." I can say that since I started this blog, some cool and different things have happened in my life. Here's a list so y'all can read it easier:

1. I'm now 17
2. I am no longer single :)
3. I lost 30 lbs (not on purpose... I had the flu for a month and couldnt hold my food)
4. I got a mini fridge
5. I went to Disney
6. I had an awful year in AP Fail (I mean Bio)
7. I went to Salem and Concord and Mystic and a bunch of other places
8. I got closer with all my friends
9. I might be a better writer (maybe)
10. I went to prom with the most purtiest date

If I didnt include anything important, PLEASE remind me. I have the memory of an 80 year old sometimes.

School isnt that bad this year... yet. I hate, hate, hate physics with all my soul. It sucks. On the bright side, I love English even more, AP style. AP, along with all my other English classes, has really helped me feel confident about wanting to be an English teacher after college. I've known this for a while, but now it's with a lot less apprehension. I do feel a little stressed/ overwhelmed with all the other shit we as seniors need to do. I still have to retake the SATs, do the ACTs, do my senior ex, apply to colleges, BLAHHHHHHHHHHHRRRRRRRRGGGGHHHHGGGHGHGH! But, I, along with everyone else, will get through it.

EHHHHHHHHHH

Well the summer is ovah. I feel like I haven't accomplished anything. I set such high expectations, try to plan so much in 2 months time. Then I am actually surprised when I haven't gotten anything I wanted to done. I wanted to go to Maine, Vermont, look at a few schools, go the the beach with all my friends for the day. I wanted to get my boat in the water and go around the sound with my friends, go to concerts, I wanted to do other things besides get up at 9 and spend my days inside a florescent lit building with my mom and bitchy aunt all day. I feel like I let myself down. I try to blame it on not having enough time but I dunno, it just sucks.

On the other hand, I was able to get a ton closer to the most special person ever. We had loads of fun together; I'd pick her up after work and we'd go back to my house and just lay in bed and talk and stuff. It was nice and it made this summer one of the best ones ever.

So we have to go back to school in 1 day. Great. I wanna sleep in and then blob around the house in my pjs and watch tv and read good books, not Crime and Punishment and hang out with Tara all day. Ehhh (hence the title). Oh well, such is life.
Night!

ps- expect more, frequent posts in the near future.

Blah blah continued

Wheres:

Where does your best friend live? Corn town
Where did you last go? Chilis
Where did you last hang out? my house
Where do you go to school? BHS
Where is your favorite place to be? location? maine or disney.. with Tara
Where did you sleep last night? in my bed

FIVE DO’S/DOES:

Do you like someone right now? I Love her
Do you think anyone likes you? I hope so
Do you ever wish you were someone else? no way
Do you know the muffin man? .. who lives on drury lane?
Does the future scare you? not really
FOUR WHY’S:

Why are you best friends with your best friend(s)? I was just asked that by him the other night... I like a challange
Why did you get a myspace? my cousin wanted me to have one
Why did your parents give you the name you have? 1, It's Irish like me and 2. It's from a John Lennon song my mom likes
Why are you doing this survey? why not?
THREE IF’S:

If you could have one super power what would it be?? mind reader
If you could go back in time and change one thing, would you? nahh
If u were stranded on a deserted island & could bring 1 thing what would you bring? Tara Lee
TWO WOULD-YOU-EVER’S:

Would you ever get back together with any of your ex’s if they asked you? haha what es's.
Would you ever shave your head to save someone you love? yeah

Blah Blah I should be reading

TEN HOW'S:

How did you get one of your scars? fell off my bike
How did you celebrate your last birthday? trick or treating
How are you feeling at this moment? antsy
How did your night go last night? boring
How did you do in high school? last year WOOO!
How did you get the shirt you're wearing? Wal-Mart
How often do you see ur best friend?when he hauls his ass down to B-town
How much money did you spend last month? a bunch
How old do you want to be when you get married? 24-25 ish
How old will you be at your next birthday? 18!
NINE WHAT'S:

Your mothers name? grumble. Mom
What did you do last weekend? Salem Mass!
What is the most important part of your life? being able to see my baby
What would you rather be doing? watching a movie with Tara
What did you last cry over? The Boy In The Stripped Pajamas
What always makes you feel better when you’re upset? listen to music or hugs
What’s the most important thing you look for in a significant other? trust, love, happiness
What are you worried about? not sure
What did you have for breakfast ? Frosted Flakes... they're Grrrrrrreat!

Have yous:
Have you ever liked someone who had a girlfriend/boyfriend? once or twice
Have you ever had your heartbroken? ehh
Have you ever been out of the country? nope
Have you ever done something outrageously dumb? sure
Have you ever been back stabbed by a friend? nahh
Have you ever had sex on the beach? no
Have you ever dated someone younger than you? currently
Have you ever read an entire book in one day? lots of times

SEVEN WHO’S:

Who was the last person you saw? my sister
Who was the last person you texted? Coco
Who was the last person you hungout with? my Mom
Who was the last person to call you? Katie
Who did you last hug? Tara Lee
Who is the last person who texted you? Katie
Who was the last person you said "i love you" to? non-romantically? Mom romantically? Tara


Are you happy with your life right now?
yes

I think it's safe...

I know its been a while but I've both busy and lazy and there's just not that much to talk about. I got to read Tara's Xanga poems tonight. They really opened my eyes to what a mature and simply( and complexly) beautiful person she really and truly is. This time last year, I was going to stupid parties with John and Hanna and Jason. They were fun at first... then everyone began to drink. I would watch, feeling like I was just some casual observer with a heavy heart. One night I was so desperate for attention or acceptance or I was just thirsty that I drank. It tasted like shit but I just drank. I was all clenchy at first but I let go. I needed it, I guess. I hated myself for it. I had no reason and every reason to crack open that can. I had fun, but I still felt drawn back. I was new to this but I ust went for it. Another time we were all at Hanna's and we walked down to the pond and one of them (my friends) pulled out a joint. I was almost going to go for it... all I wanted to be in the inner circle, to finally just unpack and unclench but unfortunately I have morals and decided to once again watch from the side. I may as well have just stayed home and watched porn or read. I just wish I could have gotten up the nerve to say what I wanted to say out loud, instead of writing it down in a stupid notebook. But I think in some cosmic way my lameness payed off. I truly cant imagine my self being any better than I am now. But I was lonely this time last year. I hurt a lot, all of the time. I tortured myself for years. It's like my hand was in the cookie jar and the mother figure (society) was telling me I could but my sense of reality slapped me on the wrist and said you'll ruin your friendship and any chance of.. I dunno. She called me at her convenience and I ran to her, literally. I would sit at home and watch her go out and come back hours later, having been social, and I, clammed up in my chamber of solitude (as my Dad calls it), waiting. I told myself to give it up but as we all know, it's easier said then done. We'd hang out, talk. But I think she'd sense me wanting to say what we both knew, but she's slam me to the ground like a sumo wrestler with those god damn words " You're like a brother to me." I would sit and smile and say "Yeah, sure." I would hang on to the shreds of hope for something a little less brother/ sistery and a little more relationshipy. It never happened. Now I'm over it. It was hard at first.
I'm over it. I'm completly over it, those feelings have melted away like the inlaid sled tracks on my yard from hours of fun in the snow.
Now I can truly say I am in love now in a way I thought didn't exist in the humans stash of hormonal chemicals. Tara, you make everything in my life whole and meaningful. You return the love I send your way and now, instead of watching, I'm involved. I've evolved, thanks to you. And as far as last summer, I'm just done with it. I don't want to watch, I've moved on. I just don't care anymore. I'm in love, in a love that is pure and two sided and real and the only thing I need to make me feel whole. I love you, Tara.

Wow, that's the longest/most person post ever for me. But, I'm glad it's out. I'm happy and I'm not ashamed of my life or it's potentially lame details. It's me, so there. Night!

You quench my heart and, you quench my mind

Well, it's been an uber long time since I've posted anything. There are two reasons for this; I'm lazy and I'm pretty sure no one reads the stuff I put on here. Any way, since the last time I wrote in here some things went down. I took the SATs and guess what, I'm still a board certified member of the S.S. Fail. Yup, I'm still Lookout Lobo. But I have the summer to study again for September, Yay. Also, I've been working a lot (gotsta pay off all those baby mama's I've got). He he he. I went to prom con mi novia and I was nice. I got to see her all purty in her red dress and I got to don a tux. Woot, you know how much I lurve dress up. It was the first time we got to go out since her month long grounding, which ends this Friday (hellz yeah!). Then we can go back to being "normal". I miss being able to hang out with her so she better not do dumb shit that gets her grounded any more!(yes, I'm telling you). So my sister's going away for Wed-Fri and I'll get to be an only child for a couple o' days. Ahhhhhhhh. So I'm off to watch DMB live and drink apple juice from my Spock glass. Good times:)

"Are you thinking holy shit holy shit a swordfish almost went through my head"

Yeah I know, it has been a few weeks. I've been a little busy, but mostly lazy, as you may have assumed. So a few things just to update y'all on whats been going on(if you actually care). School: It SUCKS! I'm ready for June 22nd. Friday we had the writer workshop thingy and it was loads. It really renewed my passion for writing, something I thought I may have been losing. In fact, it was just in hibernation. I really liked the poetry part. I'm quite the sensitive guy if I do say so myself (;.

We had an AP Bio test on the LAST UNIT! AHHHHHH! But now I get to fail one final practice test this week and then..done with the hard shit. Finally. My loathe for all things AP Biology will hopefully subside after this week. We'll see. I have the SAT on Saturday. Damn. I'm kinda nervous.. I've been hitting those fuckin prep books like they're the bible or something. It's amazing how dependent and obsessed we all get over this ridiculous. How can one test weigh so much on what I want to do with the rest of my life? I just need it to be over. It'll be a long week but once it's done I can rest. Sigh.

Enough of that. I'm tired of thinking about school. It isn't all that's on my mind..usually. And the funny part is, I want to be a teacher. Go figure. Maybe I'll be a writer first. I kinda want to be a journalist for a while. I want to at least try it out. We'll see.

I'm off to bed. To bed I said.
PS- That's not my name. Or is it?